Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Unspeakably Magnificent Personal Beings

For the last couple weeks I've been walking around grieving, afflicted - afraid of losing the little bit that I think I have. Thrashing around, losing grip and sliding down the rope that I think I have to hang on to. Fighting for every inch of my ground of faith - seemingly gaining and losing the same patch of ground over and over again every day. I'm tired and weary, worn to a frazzle. Giving up and not giving up all at the same time again and again.
Tonight I was reading my daily bit from Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy:
...The advantage of believing in the Trinity is that we then live as if the Trinity is real: as if the cosmos environing us actually is, beyond all else, a self-sufficing community of unspeakably magnificent personal beings of boundless love, knowledge, and power. And thus believing, our lives naturally integrate themselves, through our actions, into the reality of such a universe, just as with two plus two equals four. In faith we rest ourselves upon the reality of the Trinity in action—and it graciously meets us. For it is there. And our lives are then enmeshed in the true world of God.

And it jumped out at me and said, here it is. God is all around me, filling my world with love. His love is streaming both ways in every relationship I am involved in. Giants of responsibility and respect greet me at every turn.
I say to myself, You already believe it, now bank on it.
I've been preaching it myself. Saying to everyone around me, "believe you are loved," and yet it keeps flying away from me, like it were the last thing on my mind. So why do we keep doubting the very voice that saves us? Doesn't make sense.